Small Things with Great Love

RE-calibrated

July 23, 2009 at 1:48 am (Uncategorized)

Scales are made to measure weight.  That is their sole purpose.  A scale can work perfectly in the beginning, reflecting the exact weight of an object.  But over time, we sometimes have to re-calibrate it’s measurements so that we can make sure that what the scale thinks is a pound is really a pound indeed.  That is what has happened in my life over the last while.

A couple of weeks ago, I visited a monastery for an overnight prayer retreat.  It was the first time in my life I have ever done anything like that.  And even now, when I read the word monastery I feel like I am probably a fogie trapped in a 25 year old’s body.

3 weeks ago, Wellspring started a corporate Daniel Fast during which time you only eat fruits and veggies with a few other things.  The main things being fasted are meat, sugar and caffeine.  It has been amazing to me that times of discipline can bring so much satisfaction.

I have also been reading the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan.  He, by the way, makes me want to leave all my worldly possessions behind and move to California to be a part of his church.  At one point in this book, he tells the reader to stop reading the book and read through the gospels to see  Jesus for themselves.  I did.  And I am not the same.

So basically what has happened is that these three events have catalyzed a paradigm shift in my life, and I want to tell you about it.  I do have a disclaimer though, I don’t think these thoughts are anywhere near completion.  I guess I just want to share a little bit of my inner life.

At the monastery, I saw men, some old with white frizzy beards and hunched backs and some younger than me, who devoted themselves totally for their whole lives to “work and prayer.”  Their discipline is almost appalling–appalling in the sense that I have no idea how anyone can live in that much discipline in the long term.  I am still baffled by it, but the point is that their deep devotion is reflected in the way they live their lives.  Even just in the two days I was there, giving up basics like speech, rich foods, busyness and technology was elemental in my understanding of how life can be different when we stop listening to the news, the radio, the commercial marketing, the TV.  It was amazing to get just a small taste of how different life can be when we listen to a different voice.  Simplicity moved my heart in a way I cannot describe.

After I returned from the monastery, Wellspring started the Daniel Fast.  I went into the fast desiring to connect with God in a new way.  In denying my physical appetite, I was choosing to feed my supernatural appetite.  If there is anything I have learned from this fast, it is that I am weak.  Nothing good is in me and I have nothing good to offer outside of what Christ puts in me.  A fast has a way of squeezing you so that what is really inside will come out.  And what I have seen come out of me needs a Savior.  It’s amazing how we can start to think that we are the “good soil.”  We think we’re not so bad compared to other people and that we measure up pretty well.  What a shame to be so deceived.  God, save my pharisee heart.

In reading Crazy Love, I think I have seen Christianity and specifically my Christianity in a new way.  I think for a while now my passion for Jesus had been overwhelmed by responsibilities in my job.  What used to overflow from deep within has been mustered over the last little while.  One thing I have begun to understand from Crazy Love and from the gospels is that “mustering up” love for God is not the goal.  Doing things to make God happy is not the goal.  Doing those things does NOT make God happy.  And it will NEVER satisfy my heart.  The scriptures say that IF you are a believer, X Y & Z are the fruits of that decision.  And, for me, the time has come to make an honest evaluation of whether X Y & Z exist in my life.  I want, with all my heart, to exhibit the fruits of God’s Spirit.  But I know that I can’t do it on my own.

So, what has been my response to these three experiences?  Absolutely Nothing.  I am not going to make a 12 step plan to achieve my spiritual goals.  I’m not going to try a lot harder to be a good person.  For the first time, maybe ever, I am going to be silent and let God do the talking and the working.  My job is to be fully submitted to Him, and I am that with all my heart.  Now, I will work on the art of BEING transformed by a God who knows what’s best for me far better than I do.  I will trust.

You can consider me RE-calibrated.